Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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