there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we're making bets on your personal life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
