before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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