Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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