It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
