bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
