Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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