all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
