I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
