that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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