I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
