he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
