i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
