I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
