new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
