I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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