There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
