Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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