I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
