He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You made out with two different species that night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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