This is not my ceiling
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
