I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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