is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
