check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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