i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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