My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
