So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
