i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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