Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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