Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
