Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
