He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
