I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
