I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
