I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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