he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
