She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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