I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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