i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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