I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
how drunk are you?
Several
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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