Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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