This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
