Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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