At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
