Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
