he thought i was a dude.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
