Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
