Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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