Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
