cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize