so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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