If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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