haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
