It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
