we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
