a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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