I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
