apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
