omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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