but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
