So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
