i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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