Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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