listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
