I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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