I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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