Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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