I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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