C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
