every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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