Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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