Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
