If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
