guys are not supposed to queef...right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
