What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Who died my cat blue again?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
