weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
