dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
