I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
