You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
