Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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